pyrrhocorax: a furret has a pink flower behind her ear (Default)
Rax ([personal profile] pyrrhocorax) wrote2012-03-21 01:13 pm

I can never think of a subject line anyway.

The weather is really looking up a bit here. I got a new bird feeder from the RSPB and lots of birds have been visiting, including sparrows, chaffinches, bullfinches, a tree creeper, and a greenfinch! I haven't seen some of these guys in years, so it's really nice. Unfortunately the squirrel also likes it and has bitten off some of the perches in his quest for delicious bird seed. >:[ He's also snapped two different branches with his weight. SQUIRREL, YOU DON'T NEED ANY MORE SEED. YOU ARE FAT ENOUGH.

I'm kind of on a quest myself, a quest to make more friends. I don't really have any friends locally (they all either dumped me when I got ill or became drunk awful losers or aren't here anymore) and I have very few on the internet (they either turned out to be jerks or went offline and haven't been heard from since). I'm kind of lonely (understatement) but I'm also REALLY BAD at making friends (also an understatement). I'm awkward at starting conversation because I'm never sure if I'm being pushy or annoying the other person. The when we are loosely connected, I'm frightened to turn up the friendship heat because OMG WHAT IF THEY SECRETLY HATE ME. THEN there's the fact that I have quite high standards for a friend on a...moral basis I guess. A little bit of predjudice goes a long way to make me not want to be around you. And then there's the big one, which is that I'm kind of a crap friend prospect. I'm not around a lot, I'm always whining about my problems, I forget to use my IM, and I have bunches of mental issues that I suspect make me look like a total freak.

BUT! I have been trying. I've signed up to some dreamwidth communities, and though the seem to be mostly dead, I can try to revive them. My hateful metal health worker is doing something useful for once and looking into a local art group for me. I'm looking for art exchange communities to join. And I'm going to try to track down some of the people I miss the most using my Internet Detective Skillz.

Plz to be working, internet detective skillz, I really am lonely :(

(Though if you're reading this, THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME ILU I just want more friends, you know?)
willowistari: (Default)

[personal profile] willowistari 2012-03-21 06:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh man I know what you mean, I love my internet friends and they're my best friends but sometimes I wish they lived closer or I had other friends too, so I could have actual physical interactions.

I'm also kind of picky about who I make friends with. Like I don't really enjoy hanging around people that party and drink a lot. I don't know if that's more a moral thing or because it tends to be an anxiety trigger though. :\

[personal profile] otomas 2012-03-22 11:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Personally I just find it incredibly dull. Occasionally they do something interesting (try getting someone to put a LOT of sherbet in his beer and then try to drink it), but mostly it means I'm managing multiple different drunks, all either maudlin or supremely confident and unwilling to slow down. Plus they don't seem to understand that "I don't want to drink" (and "I wouldn't touch that fizzy muck if you paid me", which is more pertinant) are not just playing hard to get. Although trying to persuade recalcitrant drunk friends that they've had a lot too much is an excellent way to combine anxiety with irritation. The best ones are the ones who drink in order to hide their self-confidence problems!

On a mor cheerful note, we have a lesser (could be great) spotted woodpecker in our garden, although it always goes behind a tree before anyone else gets a look.