pyrrhocorax: a furret has a pink flower behind her ear (Default)
Rax ([personal profile] pyrrhocorax) wrote2012-03-21 01:13 pm

I can never think of a subject line anyway.

The weather is really looking up a bit here. I got a new bird feeder from the RSPB and lots of birds have been visiting, including sparrows, chaffinches, bullfinches, a tree creeper, and a greenfinch! I haven't seen some of these guys in years, so it's really nice. Unfortunately the squirrel also likes it and has bitten off some of the perches in his quest for delicious bird seed. >:[ He's also snapped two different branches with his weight. SQUIRREL, YOU DON'T NEED ANY MORE SEED. YOU ARE FAT ENOUGH.

I'm kind of on a quest myself, a quest to make more friends. I don't really have any friends locally (they all either dumped me when I got ill or became drunk awful losers or aren't here anymore) and I have very few on the internet (they either turned out to be jerks or went offline and haven't been heard from since). I'm kind of lonely (understatement) but I'm also REALLY BAD at making friends (also an understatement). I'm awkward at starting conversation because I'm never sure if I'm being pushy or annoying the other person. The when we are loosely connected, I'm frightened to turn up the friendship heat because OMG WHAT IF THEY SECRETLY HATE ME. THEN there's the fact that I have quite high standards for a friend on a...moral basis I guess. A little bit of predjudice goes a long way to make me not want to be around you. And then there's the big one, which is that I'm kind of a crap friend prospect. I'm not around a lot, I'm always whining about my problems, I forget to use my IM, and I have bunches of mental issues that I suspect make me look like a total freak.

BUT! I have been trying. I've signed up to some dreamwidth communities, and though the seem to be mostly dead, I can try to revive them. My hateful metal health worker is doing something useful for once and looking into a local art group for me. I'm looking for art exchange communities to join. And I'm going to try to track down some of the people I miss the most using my Internet Detective Skillz.

Plz to be working, internet detective skillz, I really am lonely :(

(Though if you're reading this, THANK YOU FOR BEING AWESOME ILU I just want more friends, you know?)

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